This Just In! My Sperm is of the Highest Quality! 
Just came across this tidbit.

It was found that the heaviest users, those who used their phones for more than four hours a day had the lowest average sperm counts, at 50 million per millilitre (ml) and the least healthy sperm.

Men who used their phones for between two and four hours a day averaged sperm counts of 69 million per ml and had moderately healthy sperm.

Those who said they did not use mobile phones at all had the highest average sperm counts, of 86 million per ml, and their sperm was of the highest quality seen.

There you have it. I don't use a cell phone. I therefore have super sperm. Logic is awesome.

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A Burrito Tried to Kill Me 
Today at lunch I was sent to a place for the best burrito I've ever had. Of course, my burrito history is mostly non-existant but that's not the point.

This one was good. Try the place if you get the chance. It's worth the wait in line.

Unfortunately, nobody has ever mentioned to me that when you grill a burrito shell, the outside can form into razor sharp flakes that will stab you given the slightest opportunity.

5 or 6 bites in, I wiped my mouth and came a way with a napkin sopping with blood.

I'd managed to brush up against the burrito with that bit of face between the lower lip and the chin and the burrito went right through it.

Who knew.

Try the burritos. Just be careful and don't say I didn't warn you.

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I Know Where the Money Is 
Read the whole article here.

More than $380bn has either been stolen or wasted by Nigerian governments since independence in 1960, the chief corruption fighter has said.

It's a shame nobody has asked me. I got an email just the other day from some guy with billions in the bank in Nigeria who wanted my help to retrieve it. He offered a nice sum for my services, too!

It's a shame I'm too lazy to help foreign embezzlers launder their windfalls.

On an unrelated note... I guess my prediction that the Mets would go to the World Series and get beat by the Tigers is moot. Now it'll be the Cardinals getting chewed up by the Tigers. Makes for better editorial cartoons I suppose.

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The World According to Dilbert 
It would have been wrong not to post this up today.

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Welcome to the Master Race 
I think I'll spend the next few years creating tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, creative, coffee-coloured people.

They'll then go on to take over the world and rule over the dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures... which is to say everyone else outside my social circle. Except Angelina Jolie I suppose.

It's all pre-ordained here:

Of course, I should probably put forth more of an effort at being slimmer and healthier...

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