Ech... no... more... puking... 
I'm slowly recovering after one hell of a wild night.

Yesterday, I spent the day with friends jumping off a dock and generally having a great time. Then, to top it all off, we headed over to a restaurant and had quite possibly the worst service I've ever had at a restaurant.

Ironically, the waiter started off after taking our orders telling us how well he could read his own writing. He then proceeded to screw EVERYTHING up. He screwed up the drink order. He screwed up the entree order. He screwed up the dessert order. It was unbelievable!! And above all, I think he tried to kill me.

Getting home, it didn't take long for me to get violently ill and start puking my entire guts out. Seriously. All of them. I don't think I've ever puked that much in my entire life and just when I'd think it was over, I'd go through it all over again.

So what did I do? Did I rush myself off to the hospital to get some doctor to tell me I was sick?


My wife called Telehealth Ontario and they basically told her to tell me to quit being such a pussy and walk it off. Hell, they even told her to stop giving me any medication! "Just let him puke. It's good for him." It seems I've got food poisoning and this is about the best thing to do about it.

Now THIS is a service I don't mind my tax dollars going to!! If more people would call them up rather than rushing to the nearest doctor and costing our health system thousands of dollars, we'd all be better off!

So here I am... nearly 24 hours later... and all I've eaten is a slice of bread and half a banana... and I seem to be getting better. Looks like the nurse was right. Looks like I'm not dying.

And above all, it looks like I've got the best wife in the world for putting up with it all, bringing a cup of water to my hand every time I wanted to take a sip, slicing a piece of bread into little pieces I could chew on, and just generally putting up with my unshowered, stinky ass through this whole thing.

See? I'm not always complaining. God bless her!

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Wha Happen??? 
The big story in the news today is the fact that Israel has pretty much pummelled the shit out of Gaza.

I'm just wondering if there's a single Palestinian out there that didn't see this coming.

Consider this alternate scenario.

What if we Canadians were to go ahead and elect the Al-Qaida in Canada party into power. Our neighbours to the south probably wouldn't be too pleased. If our Prime Minister were to then shout "Death to America" from the rafters at every opportunity and then fire a few rockets at Detroit and Buffalo now and then, you can be damned sure the Americans would turn around and take notice.

Surely they'd be a bit miffed and they'd probably stop buying shit from us and sending us shiny new cars.

Then, after all that, if we were to go and abduct a few Americans and start making demands, I think it would be a safe bet that they'd bomb the snow right off us and we'd all be trying to re-build out igloos from radioactive mud.

With that in mind, I don't think I'll be voting for Al-Quaida should they decide to run for office here. It just doesn't seem like the smart thing to do.

Seriously. WTF. Do they actually want to build a proper nation down there or are they just out to cause trouble and martyr themselves???

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I thought the Corolla was a car. 
I was shown the error of my Corolla-driving ways. In trying to adjust the seat properly, I was treating it like a car. As it turns out, I should have been treating it like a tiny RAV4, or an electric-scooter, or some sort of motorized lawnchair or something.

I've discovered that I can comfortably drive the thing if I sit in the seat like not as though it were a car, with my legs out in front of me, but rather like a truck, with my knees bent like I'm sitting in an arm chair or something. Not so much pushing the pedals, as stepping on them.

I guess this is what normal people like. Go figure.

It doesn't change the fact that the radio dial is still too far away and the arm rest is still completely useless, but at least now I can concede that the car can be comfortably driven, no matter how uninspiring it is.

Of course... it IS a Corolla so driving it shouldn't be expected to be enjoyable. It should just be expected to keep going for a million miles before it breaks down.

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Am I some sort of giant?? 
A week or so ago, my neighbour backed into my car. She then proceeded to get angry about it, as though I'd tossed it out there behind her Cherokee when she wasn't looking... which... incidentally... was the entire time she was backing up... but that's all beside the point. To her credit, she apologized 2 days later so I'll chalk that up to her needing time to chill out and accept the stupidity of her mistake.

The topic though, is that for the next day or two I'll be driving a Corolla as a rental and I can't for the life of me figure out how a normal sized person is supposed to fit into the damned thing!

Rumour has it that I've got t-rex arms, though you wouldn't guess that from looking at me. Shit, most people think I'm only a half-step from walking on my knuckles.

So back to the Corolla... no matter how I adjust the seat and wheel in it, it just doesn't work. Everything's in the wrong spot. If I put the seat back enough to put my feet properly on the pedals, I can't reach the steering wheel. If I pull forward a bit to properly reach the wheel, my knees are just about hitting the column. This is using every possible combination of the reclining back, sliding, tiltin seat, and tilting wheel. It just doesn't fit!

Stupid Corolla!! I'm well under 6' tall. I should fit into just about any car on the market. Is this thing made for midgets or something???

So then... reaching some sort of compromise with my knees bent just a bit too much and the wheel just a bit too far away, I came to realize that the stereo controls are a mile away and barely reachable and there's no arm rest to speak of.

There's something 3" too low and behind my elbow that you can stuff crap in but I'd have to lean nearly into the passenger seat and recline the seat gangsta-style if I actually wanted to rest my arm on it!

All I've done is drive to work in it and already I want my car back. And my car was designed 15 years ago as an econobox. Unbelievable!!

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Thank-you, Switzerland. 
I tied for the win in the first round of my lunch-crowd World Cup pool. Free lunch for me! Woot!

And on this topic... is it just me or are footballers the biggest bunch of crying babies on the planet? People are telling me that they roll around and cry with the hopes of getting favour from the officials. So basically... they're either pansies or they're cheaters. How flattering.

I'd love to see those guys put some skates on and play a few minutes of proper hockey and see what's left of them when it's over!

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