I was shown the error of my Corolla-driving ways. In trying to adjust the seat properly, I was treating it like a car. As it turns out, I should have been treating it like a tiny RAV4, or an electric-scooter, or some sort of motorized lawnchair or something.
I've discovered that I can comfortably drive the thing if I sit in the seat like not as though it were a car, with my legs out in front of me, but rather like a truck, with my knees bent like I'm sitting in an arm chair or something. Not so much pushing the pedals, as stepping on them.
I guess this is what normal people like. Go figure.
It doesn't change the fact that the radio dial is still too far away and the arm rest is still completely useless, but at least now I can concede that the car can be comfortably driven, no matter how uninspiring it is.
Of course… it IS a Corolla so driving it shouldn't be expected to be enjoyable. It should just be expected to keep going for a million miles before it breaks down.